Yesterday was a rough day. We had done a bit of carschooling the day before, so our books were in a disarray. The kids didn't know what they were supposed to be doing. The 2yo was hyper and needed to stop jumping on my couch cushions. The brand new protractor was missing under piles of stuff and we were hunting for it everywhere. Meanwhile, the 2yo quietly stopped jumping on couch cushions to head upstairs and find trouble there. I felt like the world's worst mother and homeschooler. That missing protractor was a sign of my failure.
I worried that I was the center focus of education. I was the authority on whether their work was sufficient. I was responsible for their supplies. It was all up to me to make the day flow easily from subject to subject. It was not flowing easily, because neither one of us was keeping track of our things. At some point, I wondered how I was ever going to transfer that responsibility from me to them.
Even our lessons are spoon-fed. I give the lesson, they work on it. I tell them when it is wrong and help them make it right. It isn't difficult for them. They do not have to wrestle with finding the right answers. Doubts crept in about what I was doing here. Wouldn't they be better off in public school, where some responsibility is thrust on them?
A friend with a son in public school told me that she's had the worst week. Her son isn't bringing home his books. He didn't know how to find the information he was supposed to be reviewing. He wasn't taking notes in class. He was getting poor grades on tests.
We all worry about our children not working hard enough and taking responsibility for their own education. It isn't limited to homeschool children. Even many good students in public school struggle to make their education their own.
